“You’re just too small to play at this level.”

Soccer has always had an interesting culture. Love and admiration when winning. Embarrassment and hatred when losing. Toxic, some would call it.

But to me, it was life. Everything was soccer to me. Practicing every day and then going home to play FIFA and watch soccer videos. My goals, my pleasure, my joy. Soccer had it all. But eventually, my identity came crashing down when one coach said those words to me. “You’re too small”.

It took years of hard work, pushing myself, and trying to prove that coach wrong (and prove my own worth in the process), and then I eventually had to accept that maybe soccer wasn’t supposed to be my future. Maybe I didn’t have that “it” factor everyone was talking about. Fondly enough, this was a great time to have this “early life” crisis because a little thing called “the pandemic” was in mid swing.

Realizing soccer wasn’t something I should pursue anymore, while also being stuck in my room 24/7, is not the best thing for someone's mental health, I’ve heard. Although after spending all that time looking into myself and addressing what I really wanted with my life, I decided to take a leap of faith and join my first acting class.

This was mainly because I wanted to get out of the house more and kind of pursue another dream of mine I’ve always had: To be in a Marvel movie. But in reality, the goal I really wanted to achieve, that I was not aware of at the time, was to find my group of people.

It definitely took a few classes to not be extremely nervous, awkward, and slightly terrified. But in my third class, I ended up meeting that group of people I didn’t know I needed. The group of people that would end up changing everything I knew about life and relationships as a whole.

These actors showed me that there were people out there that supported you. That they don’t need you to be big, strong, tall, fast, athletic, or naturally gifted on the field. They just need you to be you. My soccer mentality tries to tell me that I need to work harder and “be better,” but that group of actors tells me to be me. Play. Mess up. Fail. Get Back Up.

“You are enough.”

Now, with many film projects, acting classes, relationships made in this business, I think back to those actors, who I now call close friends. When that soccer mentality creeps back in, I remind myself how those fellow creatives treat me when I try. They don’t expect me to “win” or be “great”. They just want me to be me because they always will believe in me and see my worth.

That's why I love acting. Working on growing my craft is great. The experiences I get to have are awesome. But, above all else, the people- the actors, the creatives- are the reason I wake up excited to be an actor.